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Thread: Catching a Deer:

  1. #1

    Default Catching a Deer:

    For those of you who hunt a deer, want to pat a deer, or anything in between ... this is too funny! Names have
    been removed to protect the stupid...

    This is an actual letter from someone who writes and farms:

    'I had the idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a
    stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and
    eat it.

    The first step in this adventure was getting a deer. I figured
    that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not
    seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one
    will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while
    I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be
    difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head
    (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

    I filled the cattle feeder then hid down at the end with my rope.
    The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back.
    They were not having any of it.

    After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up -- 3 of them. I picked
    out a likely looking one, stepped out from the end of the feeder,
    and threw my rope. The deer just stood there and stared at me.

    I wrapped the rope around my waist and twisted the end so I
    would have a good hold. The deer still just stood and stared at me,
    but you could tell it was mildly concerned about the whole rope
    situation. I took a step towards took a step away. I put a little
    tension on the rope and then received an education.

    The first thing that I learned is that, while a deer may just
    stand there looking at you funny while you rope it, they are spurred
    to action when you start pulling on that rope. That deer EXPLODED.

    The second thing I learned is that pound for pound, a deer is a LOT
    stronger than a cow or a colt. A cow or a colt in that weight range I
    could fight down with a rope and with some dignity. A deer -- I had no

    That thing ran, bucked, twisted and pulled. There was no
    controlling it and certainly no getting close to it. As it jerked me off
    my feet and started dragging me across the ground, it occurred to me
    that having a deer on a rope was not nearly as good an idea as I had
    originally imagined.

    The third thing I learned, the only upside, is that they do not have as
    much stamina as many other animals. A brief 10 minutes later, it was
    tired and not nearly as quick to jerk me off my feet and drag me when I
    managed to get up. It took me a few minutes to realize this, since the
    blood flowing out of the big gash in my head mostly blinded me.

    At that point, I had lost my taste for corn-fed venison. I just wanted to
    get that devil creature off the end of that rope.

    I figured that if I just let it go with the rope hanging around its neck, it
    would likely die slow and painfully somewhere.

    At the time, there was no love at all between that deer and me. At
    that moment I hated the thing, and I would venture a guess that the
    feeling was mutual.

    Despite the gash in my head and the several large knots where I had
    cleverly arrested the deer's momentum by bracing my head against
    various large rocks as it dragged me across the ground, I could still
    think clearly enough to recognize that there was a small chance that I
    shared some tiny amount of responsibility for the situation we were in. I
    didn't want the deer to have to suffer a slow death, so I managed to get
    it lined back up in between my truck and the feeder - a little trap I had
    set before hand -- kind of like a squeeze chute. I got it to back in there
    and started moving up so I could get my rope back.

    The fourth thing I learned... Did you know that deer bite? They do! I
    never in a million years would have thought that a deer would bite
    somebody, so I was very surprised when I reached up there to grab that
    rope and the deer grabbed hold of my wrist.

    Now, when a deer bites you, it is not like being bit by a horse where
    they just bite you and then let go. A deer bites you and shakes its head,
    almost like a pit bull. They bite HARD and it hurts. The proper thing to
    do when a deer bites you is probably to freeze and draw back slowly. I
    tried screaming and shaking instead. My method was ineffective.

    It seems like the deer was biting and shaking for several minutes, but it
    was likely only several seconds.

    I, being smarter than a deer (though you may be questioning that claim
    by now), tricked it. While I kept it busy tearing the bejesus out of my
    right arm, I reached up with my left hand and pulled that rope loose.

    That was when I got my fifth lesson in deer behavior for the day -- Deer will strike at you with their front feet. They rear right up on their
    back feet, strike right about the head, and shoulder level, and their
    hooves are surprisingly sharp.

    I learned a long time ago that, when an animal-like a horse-strikes at you
    with their hooves and you cannot get away easily, the best thing to do is
    try to make a loud noise and make an aggressive move towards the
    animal. This will usually cause them to back down a bit so you can

    This was not a horse. This was a deer, so obviously such trickery
    would not work. In the course of a millisecond, I devised a different
    strategy-- I screamed like a woman and tried to turn and run.

    The reason I had always been told NOT to try to turn and run from a
    horse that paws at you is that there is a good chance that it will hit
    you in the back of the head.

    Deer may not be so different from horses after all, besides being twice
    as strong and 3 times as evil, because the second I turned to run, it hit
    me right in the back of the head and knocked me down.

    Lesson six... Now, when a deer paws at you and knocks you down, it
    does not immediately leave. I suspect it does not recognize that the
    danger has passed. What they do instead is paw your back and jump up
    and down on you while you are laying there crying like a little girl and
    covering your head. I finally managed to crawl under the truck and the deer
    went away.

    So now I know why when people go deer hunting they bring a rifle with a
    scope ... so that they can be somewhat equal to the prey.'

    Democracy is two wolves and a lamb voting on what to have for lunch. Liberty is a well-armed lamb contesting the vote.
    -- Benjamin Franklin, 1759

    Due to recent budget cuts and the rising cost of electricity, gas and oil, as well as current market conditions, the Light at the End of the Tunnel has been turned off.

  2. #2

    Default OMG!

    I laughed so hard! thank you for this enlightening story.

    Makes that meat you buy in the pre-wrapped packages at the store look so much more appealing.

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